drama drama drama

hmm dont know where to begin my story.. okay so here we go, my life is pretty much sucks. my bestfriends  been actin cold, my parents hate me, so basically my life's just a cracking pie. everything is a mess and i dont know how to fix it. ive been having sum troubles in my love life relationship and trust me it really sucks to the very core. so, there are dis 2 different guys, but oh well.. it didnt work out. yeah, both of them. so why bother to tell you the story?

frankly speaking, i dont know where i stand rite now. i mean, i know im a 22 year old girl and im a college student. but im really lost and i really dont know what i want in this life. i know, it has always been a problem for me, yeah figurin out myself, looking for what i really want in dis life.. pursuing happiness and all dat gold.

i need some directions, a guide to a peaceful life. ive never feel dis far with god before.. and now, i admit that i rarely pray and i kind of forget how it feels to talk to him, to be near him and live under his Will. u might wanna help me to get thru dis shit. it's like livin in such an empty life, a life without light. it seems like everything i do brings me nothing but disaster, seriously, my life lately is so far from blessing.

often i feel like i wanna disappear, to a place so far that no one could reach me. i wanna have a new beginning and completely forget my past. but oh well we know dat no matter how far you go to disappear, you'll come right back to the place you first begin your life in. there's no achievement, no goals.. i am a complete loser man, seriously i need sum help.

aaaaaaaaaa.

counting down xmas day

readers, let's be excited coz christmas is coming! i dont know why im so excited about christmas. well, maybe it means holiday is coming and new year is close too. eventho my family doesnt celebrate it, i still get the whole vibe thing of christmas. well as we know that christmas is an event where you meet your friends, enjoying dinner, exchanging gifts, feeling grateful for life, etc. everyone is waiting for christmas time to come, lets be merry and be joyful!! i think im gonna celebrate this year's xmas by having a fancy dinner with my best girlfriends. 


i just want this year to be more special than any other year. i want it to be unforgettable for every each one of us. i mean why not we make it special it's once in a year event and everyone's loving it. but the thing is i dont even know the place to celebrate it yet. well i'll figure it out later. i dont have any specific wish list for this xmas, i just want my life to be better and full of loving and caring people. i want to live my life with no regrets although it's a very hard one. and i just want the world to gets better and better, no more disaster. and this xmas, i wont give out xmas cards for everyone. i'll give only to some of my closest friends and family.

he's cute and he's mine

readers, i'm going to tell you about my cute little dog. Well, my dog's name is Sunday. He's a shitshu and he's 11 months. I love him very much because he's my first dog (I hope he will be the last). Anyway, I bought him earlier this year on February, 13th 2010 from a friend's friend. His face looks old just like a grandpa, but I fell in love the first time i saw him. So, I made this huge decision to buy him without even telling my dad. My dad was so angry and still is. but my mom looks like she loves him.

Sunday was so calm and quiet the first day he came. I think he's a little depressed. At first, I didn't know how to take care of him, so I bought him milk, dog foods and lots of treats and bones for him to chew. I was so panicked when he cried at night so I accompanied him downstairs until he's asleep. It was a torment. I think the portion of my attention to him is a little too much. the torment wasn't over until he finally peed and pooped everywhere. and oh he even ate his own poop. Eww I know it's so disgusting but u kno what, it was also so frustrating for me to taking care of him. hundreds of time i kept telling myself to stay put because i kno ive to get thru this process no matter how i hate it.

It wasn't easy teaching him how to sit, spin, and shake hands. But finally, after a very long time, he could do it. It's a tearjerking moment for me when he could do those moves. Seriously, I was very very happy and so proud of him. My brothers and my sisters love him that much and they taught him so many things too and always play with him. Everyone loves sunday except my dad. Well, I think he just need more time or maybe not, maybe he'll hate sunday forever. The problem is he hates animal because he said it's dirty, full of bacteries and they always pooped everywhere they like. well, he got quite a point though, but still.. i can never let sunday go.. 

anyway, sunday is an energetic and a hyper dog. he barks so loud lately and i hate it so much! but i like when we play fetch cause he's so good at it, i'd throw a doll to sumwhere far and hide and he'll be lookin for me.aww he's so cute when he does that. sunday likes meeting new people, he'll be outta control sumtimes and jump so hyperly to the new people. well, it's so annoying and i know it scares the hell outta people. lol. almost all my friends love him. I'm so glad I have him u kno coz he filled my house with happiness and fun. I would take him for grooming every once in a week, just making sure he's clean and smells good. also, when I have spare time in the afternoon, I would bring him for a walk. the neighbors, securities, and kids around my home know his name. He's pretty popular here. Some neighbor would ask me questions about him and playing around with him. He's like the prince of this little street. 

above is some of the pics of my lil sunday. xoxo

Cheers to the beers

Most people like to drink beer. Especially when you're out with your friends, nothing to do, you probably will go to somewhere chill and grab a beer. At least that's what most of young people do. Drink a cold beer to keep us company for the whole night. I know it's not good for you tummy, but who cares now?! I could careless. So, cheers to the beers!

 Beer bintang

Hoegarden

and of course flavoured beer.

Another natural disaster in Indonesia

http://www.cbc.ca/world/story/2010/11/01/indonesia-volcano-tsunami.html


Deep condolences for those who have lost their family. I know it's a heartbreaking moment for everyone. For those who lives in Mentawai and Jogjakarta, please be strong and trust the Lord that everything is going to be okay. Don't get tired of praying to our God. Remember, your sorrow is the world's sorrow. God blesses all of you.


When I saw the news on TV about Mentawai's Tsunami earthquake and Volcanos in Jogja, I was so upset. I mean, why does it has to happen? What is it that He really wants to tell us? People are making too many mistakes? too many sins? maybe He wants us to do some introspection. what have we done to the earth? Many people believe that god is angry with us, for what we're doing to His creation, to His earth. Well, maybe what they said is true. God is angry with human, and He wants to remind us that the world has gone bad, that every each one of us has to know that it's time to stop doing things He doesn't like.


Well, I ain't no saint. I made so many mistakes too, but we should at least try to alter ourselves from devil to angel. Yeah, it's not as easy as saying it.. I know I know. Still, it's worth trying. Take care everyone, stay strong and give a little prayer to those who mourn.

21 and ready to rock the world.

Time flies so freaking fast. I remembered couple years ago i was still in my high school uniform and now like a blink of an eye, I'm 21 already. Entering the age of 21 is not a small thing for me because I think it carries lots of responsibility for being a 21 years old young lady. Many people say that as you grow older, you become more mature and hell yes dat's what I really feel right now. I don't know exactly which part of me that have changed. I know that I'm not as skinny as I was before, but it's not about me physically. (And I don't really wanna discuss this) lol. A


nyway, the way I think about some things is not the same anymore, particularly in life and love area. I've learnt that time changes everything, it's not healing anything or in my case any pain, but it changes things. It gives you process to grow, to let go our pain, to control our emotion, and to see things clearly from a more positive point of view. I feel so blessed for being 21 because I know it's just the beginning of my life experience, well the more crazy one of course. I know I'm still so young and I really wanna make the most of it memorable. So, like a crazy young lady dilly-dallying around the city and nowhere to go, I promise to myself I will find my true life and of course my true love.  :)

first love

pertama kali gw suka sama org itu pas kelas 3 sd. gw inget banget karna dia itu temen baik kakak gw, dan dia sering main ke rumah gw saat itu.. kt sering main petak umpet bareng, pokoknya masa masa kecil gw saat itu super bahagia. :) sampe kemudian gw jadian kelasa 6 sd for the very first time, dan kemudian gw masuk smp dan ketemu lagi sama cowo yg gw suka.. tpi mereka smua itu bs dibilang bukan siapa siapa. karna sejujurnya gw ngga share perasaan apapun ke mereka, gw ngga sayang mereka, yang gw rasain saat itu ya cuman suka aja.

sampe gw masuk sma.. dan gw jadian dengan 1 laki laki yang bener2 ngubah hidup gw smua, segala cara pandang gw, karena dia adalah cinta pertama gw. dia adalah sosok seorang anak laki2 yang bukan cuman gw suka, tapi jg gw sayang banget. 2 tahun yang gw lewatin sama dia itu begitu berarti buat gw, karena dia gw bs bahagia dan bisa happy bawaannya tiap hari. gw sesayang itu sama dia.

setiap hari, setiap menit, detik tuh selalu gw spend sama dia. gw rela ga plg ke rumah cuman demi ketemu dia, gw rela kabur dr rmh demi dia, sgalanya gw lakuin demi dia. it may sounds so stupid, tapi itu lah cinta pertama. hampir buat semua org cinta pertama itu ga akan pernah mereka lupain. gw seneng banget pokoknya bs kenal sama dia.

and then, things changed. kt grow apart. karna dia harus ke melbourne utk skolah dan saat itu gw mau ke amrik, jadi gw memutuskan untuk ya udahin aja. gw hambar karena terlalu lama LD. gw tau gw salah karna gw begitu impulsive. gw juga saat itu sempet deket sama this one guy yg kt berdua tuh tau we wont be together no matter what. terlalu ga mungkin. dan saat itu gw jujur sama dia kalo there's sumone else. gw tau gw ngehancurin hati dia banget. tapi gw jujur sama dia.. gw ga bs boongin dia saat itu, krn dia terlalu berarti buat gw. 

dan sejak saat itu semuanya bener2 fall into pieces banget. gw sama dia bener2 ngejalanin 2 dunia yang berbeda, awalnya kt ga bisa lupain satu sama lain. tapi terakhir gw yg sakit hati sama dia karna dia jadian sama cewe lain, dan hati gw hancur. ngga tau kenapa, tapi gw masih syg dia, ngga peduli seberapa dia benci gw, tapi dia masih jadi yg terbaik buat gw.

mungkin perasaan dendam sama dia ada karna beberapa hal, krn hati gw smpet hancur jg sama dia. gw been through a lot sama dia, yang bener2 sampe saat ini gw ga bisa lupain. gw susah paya selama bertahun2 sejak itu untuk lupain dia. tapi sumhow ngga bisa, gw ngga tau kenapa mungkin karena gw dah bergantung sm dia untuk apapun. karna he used to be there for me. sakit sih untuk flash back..kadang gw mikir untuk ga mau liat lg ke belakang, tapi memory2 itu terlalu indah buat gw lupain.

gw terima kasih sama Tuhan karena dia pernah singgah dia hidup gw buat growing up together pas remaja. walaupun ngga msua kenangan menyenangkan, tapi jujur he's the best. gw bisa kasih seluruh hati gw buat dia, tanpa syarat. tapi ya mungkin itulah hidup, segala sesuatunya berjalan terus dan semua kenangan itu ya cuman masa lalu aja, dia dah punya cewe baru lagi dan dia udah ngejalanin hidup dia disana dengan bener2 bahagia. begitu jg gw disini, gw udah bs lupain dia, gw udah ngga kepikiran sm dia lagi setiap hari.

tapi gw masih belum bs nemuin kebahagiaan baru buat gw. masih belum ada yg bisa replace posisi dia sampai saat ini. blum ada kebahagiaan baru yang dikasih Tuhan sama gw. smua proses ini bikin gw jauh tambah dewasa dalam berfikir, gw bersyukur atas segalanya. dan sekarang, gw akan selalu mencoba untuk mencari kebahagiaan gw yang baru. karena luka di hati gw udah terlalu lama membekas, gw akan nunggu seseorang yg bener2 bs ngehilangin luka luka lama di hati gw.  :)

me

Strong emotion, easily overwhelmed, have no goals or direction in life, im a woman with big heavy head, curly brain and soft lame characters. getting to know me deeper is like playing a neverending puzzles. Am Not really into commitments, doesn't mean I wont be in one. Awkward and funny, I'm somewhere in between. Grabbed some opportunity, but always missed the clue.

A clumsy one, dying for freedom, wanting some happiness, and looking for peace. A creature with too many consideration and hesitation, never trust herself and too weak to fight the obstacles. Life is simply a process of learning, today and tomorrow are just another day of learning. So I'm here to keep on searching for what is right, to space some time; make mistakes, and to finally seek the true meaning of life.

plan on school adventure

ive been to new york once and i wanna come back there and explore more. i wanna go to summer school in nyc coz it might be so much fun. meeting new friends, having new environment around, etc etc. but the ticket is very expensive around $1,500 and i dont wanna ask my mom coz she might kill me u know. anyway, i wanna go there again next yer. so i gotta save sum money starting from now! eventhough i cant promise it dat i'll get the money by next yer. lol

its not a small money, not to mention i still got so many things to buy here. -__-
well well.. if i cant reach nyc, i wanna go to taiwan to learn mandarin.. i really wanna go there too because i like the language very much and ive never been there before. so it would be fun. see?! ive got so many plans already by now. not sure whether i'd accomplish all of it. hmm, i think its better to just hope for the best.

friendship

everyone knows that building a friendship is easy, you can make friends with anyone and then hang out with them, laughing together and all. but you know what ive been thinking is that apparently friends who i can trust on sharing my pain about life is only a few. i know dat not everyone is a good listeners, in fact there are only few good listeners and billion of good talker.

i personally is the good listener, not to mention how many life stories, love life stories people been telling me. i've so many friends and many of them come to me and tell their wonderful life stories. some of them mind to asked me back about how im doing and stuffs, but some people are just dont care. well, its okay though. i like to hear stories and im glad if i can make them happy by only listening to their life stories.

however, there are times when instead of listen, i wanna talk... i wanna tell stories of mine too, especially when im down and need an emotional support too. one and a few times when they're asking me back about how im doing and when i wanna tell them that im not really okay, and then they're just gonna give flat comments and then go on with their stories again. as if what matters is only their problems, their life stories, and not mine.

it's exhausting. and im not the typical who can share all my feelings to any friends. i need to share it to those who i trust. but so many of them are just too busy talking of themselves. it makes me think that i can have so many close friends, but there are only few that really care. only few of friends who really want to know, or would like to know whether im doing okay, and helping me solve my problems.

i know which one will stay with me in the future even if im no one. ive learnt a lot that having so many friends doesn't guarantee your happiness. friends who dont wanna listen are friends for fun, and not friends for life.